Emotionst

Emotions

        Emotions are internal signals. When we know how we feel, we can find out what we need. Emotions help us determine what choices to make, and how to act. When we ignore oure feelings, not only do we make mistakes in our lives, but they can "back up" and become like toxins.

        Emotions have a natural flow to them, and will come and go. A good image is that of ocean waves: a wave come up to shore, gets stronger (it may feel like it will crash over you), hovers for a time, and then recedes. Learning to ride the waves of our feelings creates a new kind of personal strength.

        Emotional health means being able to experience a full range of feelings, even those that are considered unacceptable or "bad" in our culture. Fear, jealousy, rage and other feelings can be powerful sources of creativity and change. Being able to feel "negative" emotions can make the positive emotions stronger and more satisfying.

Basic Emotions

We have many words to describe our feelings. Sometimes, though, it can be helpful to think of them in a few basic categories. These categories are: anger, sadness, fear and joy. More specific words can describe how strong the emotion is, or can be a combination of several of these categories (for example, guilt might be a combination of anger at oneself and fear). Finding words to describe how we feel is essential to owning our emotions and expressing them effectively to others.

Ways of Knowing

        Body- Every emotion has corresponding body changes- heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, blood flow, posture, etc. These responses can be highly specific and unique for each person (for example, some people flush when angry, others when embarassed, some hunch their shoulders when sad, etc.). Consequently, making changes in the body can change emotions. Breathing exercises, changing posture, movement and relaxatino can let go of some feelings and bring up others.

        Thoughts- Often we have specific thoughts that arise from our feelings, and keep those feelings going. Examples are:

                                                Anger: How dare they...                                                                    Fear: I can't handle..., I will fail at...

                                                Sadness: I will never have..., I don't deserve...                            Joy: This is wonderful, I'm great

        Like with the body, thoughts can lock you inot a feeling, or release you of a feeling. Sometimes thoughts are entrenched and can take a while to identify and change.

        Images- Sometimes emotions show themselves in an image, or a metaphor. Examples are: "I feel like I'm going to explode" or "I feel like a zombie". Listening to these images can help identify the emotions you are feeling.

The Cascade of Emotions

        Often one feeling will lead to another. Sometimes we only notice one or two, like sadness or guilt. But, when we dig deeper, we can find all the emotions in one situation. Because intense feelings can sometimes make it harder to act reasonably, journalling can be a helpful way of releasing emotions. Here is a letter format, from The SolutionJournal by Laurel Mellin, that can be helpful. A letter can be written to a person, a part of yourself, a behavior, a memory, or whatever you need.

        Start with anger and write until you no longer feel that emotion. Come back regularly to the phrase "I feel..." Then go onto the next emotion. If while writing the letter more anger (or other emotion) comes up, go back to that section and write it out. Wait until you feel the emotion come up before you go onto the next section, especially Acceptance. It may take several cycles before you get to Acceptance.

                                                Dear...

                                                Anger- I feel angry that...

                                                Sadness- I feel sad that...

                                                Fear- I am afraid that...

                                                Guilt- I regret that...

                                                Acceptance- I understand/ accept that...

                                                (Your Name)

                                                P.S.

                                                   What I need from you is... (Ask yourself if this is a reasonable request. If not, go back to the beginning and write about what                                                        its like not to get what you need.)

                                                    What I need from myself is...

Bibliography and Resources

        The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Goldhor Lerner

        The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner

        The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne

        The Depression Workbook by Mary Ellen Copeland

        Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing The Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky

        The Solution Journal by Laurel Mellin

        The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm

        The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

        The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

       Copyright 2007 Elizabeth Malamed. All rights reserved.